Planning a Wedding - Choosing Your Maid of Honor

It can be extremely difficult for brides-to-be to choose their Maid (or Matron) of Honor. While some women are lucky to have a total one-on-one friendship which only presents one possible answer for the Maid of Honor question, the fact remains that most modern women have a circle of female friends. While you may be noticeably closer to one of these women over the others in the group, it is nevertheless extremely difficult to actively select one woman as essentially your favorite. Feelings of those not asked to perform the duties can be hurt and before you know it, your splendid wedding preparations are fraught with upset and damaged emotions.

There are several solutions to the problem of having many Maid of Honor candidates. The first is also the most simple – do you really need a Maid of Honor? The role is mostly title-based, as there is very little to separate the Maid of Honor from any other bridesmaids during the ceremony. Traditionally, the Maid of Honor plans the hen nights, but most friends group together for the planning and thus the role has become somewhat unimportant. So if you really are struggling to select just one from a group of many, it might be best to do away with the role altogether and just feature everyone as bridesmaids.

However, it is easy to understand the desire to remain with tradition and select a Maid of Honor. If you really can’t avoid it or don’t want to, then there are a few weapons at your disposal. First, you need to establish who wants to be Maid of Honor. Believe it or not, for some women – even your closest friends – the idea of such a valued role is not appealing, and they would be happy to just be a bridesmaid or even just a regular guest. Don’t assume everyone is vying for the position, as some genuinely won’t care. A couple of carefully worded questions will establish who wants to do it.

When you have several names who you know are interested, there is no option other than to just make a selection. Unless you go down the route of not having a Maid of Honor at all, someone’s feelings are going to be hurt. Be up front and honest, announcing your decision and the reasons behind it to each person individually rather than in a group situation. Stress that you still want the non-chosen in your wedding party, that you do value their friendship and that the decision is not personal but more emotive. Hopefully, this will work and people will understand. But just in case it doesn’t, make the selection as soon as you can before the big day to ensure there’s no sulking friends at the ceremony. Give them time to adapt to not being chosen, and things should run smoothly.